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love at first sight, how real?


Happy new week dearies, how was your weekends? Hope not boring? If it was, you might want to read the last post on curing boredom below. I’m sorry for putting this post up late, school runs. Now to today’s post…
** ** ** ** **
If anyone was meant to be together, it was Sally and Emeka. Since the day they met, they haven’t been able to let go.  It was still two weeks away but for sally,
this Christmas celebration seemed promising. Emeka had come to the village for a field research having to do with school project and also to spend his Christmas with his bosom friend Chima. Chima’s sister, chioma happened to be sally’s best friend whom she learnt sewing from on a weekly basis. Schools were already rounding up for the Christmas celebration and people had started arriving for the Christmas celebration. One day, sally was at Chioma’s house learning sewing and chatting away outside. A taxi drove into the compound. It was chima returning from school with his friend Emeka.
 “Papa! Papa! Chioma screamed when she sighted him in the taxi, brother is back o, brother is back, she said jumping on him as he alighted.
“How are you” he asked laughing
“I’m fine o brother. Hope you bought something for me?”
“Sure I did.”
All the while sally had been packing up the sewing materials then she walked towards them
“Brother welcome.” She greeted
“Thank you Salome, how have you been?”
“I’m fine. Thank you.”
Chioma and chima proceeded inside carrying bags. Emeka was settling the driver when sally approached to carry some bags in with her. As she lifted the bags to move, their eyes met. There was a pause in their movement. He felt his pulse rise; he’d never seen such beauty.
She had a flurry feeling in her tummy, her knees weakened. She tried moving but couldn’t. She felt her face flush from embarrassment. Then he smiled and moved closer, she quavered, her beat faster. What was he trying to do, she thought.
He took the bags from her and beckoned on her to lead the way.
“Welcome” she muttered.
“Thank you dear.” He replied.
Her head was still spinning from his touch and she managed to move her feet, conscious of him behind her.

** ** ** ** **
Sally was a beautiful girl who turned heads wherever she went and as a result has gotten a lot of proposals which she had turned down. However, two weeks after meeting, Sally and Emeka became budding lovers. Sally’s parents were dead so she lived with her grandmother. He visited every day after field work, with Chioma at first and later on, in the guise of helping out with household chores. Sally’s grandma loved him and always made food for him before he came. He always brought gifts for her when coming. Christmas was now three days away and he promised to come and spend time with her and her grandma. The day before Christmas was his last day in fieldwork. He decided to visit before going.
She was outside talking with chioma when he entered the compound. He signaled to Chioma not to let sally know he was around as she was backing the compound entrance. He tiptoed and hugged her from behind. She perceived his perfume and smiled. He had bought one for her last week.
“Good morning love,” he whispered into her ear. She smiled and turned to hug him.
“I better get going” chioma said clearing her throat.
“No o, don’t tell me you are jealous” Sally answered.
 “I have my lovely brother” she replied smiling sarcastically.
They all laughed.
“But seriously, you need not go, he is going for field work.”
“Ermm, she might need to go because I intended to take you with me to the field today.”
“Oh! I’d love that.” She said turning to chioma for approval.
”You can go o. I’m even supposed to be somewhere today, Nkechi’s ashebi meeting, remember?
“Ok then, I’ll see you when we return”
 Chioma left while sally went in, changed and told her grandma before coming to meet him.
“Wow, you look beautiful.”
“Thanks dear” she replied, hugging him. “By the way, what’s this field work about even?”
“Don’t worry, you’ll find out when we get there but you’ll work o. So are you willing?”
“Of course. Anything for my baby.”  She said as they walked out of the compound hand in hand.

                                                                  ** ** ** ** **
This Christmas was the best for sally. She hadn’t remembered her dead parents or cried throughout the day. He had come as promised and entertained she and her grandma so much that they laughed away their sorrows for the week. For that she was grateful. But she was sad this night. He was to leave the next day and had bought a small phone for them to be able to keep communicating. Still she was sad. She had been crying all day in his arms. He was pretty shaken up too. He yearned for her, he wanted to keep kissing her, he wanted…….he wanted a lot and had to get it, he couldn’t leave unfulfilled.
Sally yearned for him too. Though they had kissed a couple of times, for which she had gone for confession, she still wanted his lips on hers. Even though she saw it as wrong, she wanted more…like his hands roaming her body, touching her pleasurably….
He didn’t want to leave unsatisfied. He had held himself long enough. He loved her quite alright but it made him need her more. They had been in their place of hiding, a hidden cave at the village river, all day, talking about their future and how to keep contact. He didn’t trust himself to keep contact unless he made contact. He wasn’t from the village and wasn’t good in long distance anyways. Something had to make him keep coming for more he thought but knew she would resist. He was torn.
Sally was sad, needy, confused, a lot of feelings to process. They kept silent for a long while with her leaning onto his arms. He was more needy than confused, he loved her so much and wouldn’t leave her and he knew she loved him too. Evening was approaching and they had to leave.
Then he moved his hands over her breasts ever so slightly, she gasped. He moved his hands again and she grabbed it.                                                                                                                                                                    
“I’m here baby” he whispered into her hair
“To be gone tomorrow” she muttered
“Just for school, I’ll visit every month like we agreed.”
He kissed her neck and ear and Tears came falling.
“I would stop if I’m making you cry, just tell me to”
“This is a big deal for me, promise never to leave me or end our love”
“I promise baby, I won’t, I love you so much dear.”
She swallowed and for the first time since her parents died, she felt secured in loving arms.
“Then don’t stop…..
** ** ** ** **
Two months later, his number is out of service. He had cried on the day of his departure. She grew up knowing men as non-crying creatures so she was convinced he loved her. She’d driven with him and chima to the park. At first, they spoke every night, and then he stopped picking her calls always cause of busy schedules as he called it. Then he wouldn’t pick nor call back, and finally his number went out of service. He hadn’t visited like he promised and she had cried herself sore.
Her friends consoled her that he would call back but they had no idea of what happened. She has never felt the same since that night but consoled herself on the belief that he loved her, that she lost her dignity to her future. They would after all be together forever, what difference would it make if she lost her virginity to him now. How wrong she was….
** ** ** ** **
Sally fell ill three months after Emeka left and recovered after 3 months with a resolution to remain single. Meanwhile, Emeka never returned. He graduated and left for the states where he lived with his mum. It was as if his love for her disappeared after that night and he couldn’t understand why.
The case of Emeka and sally is a case of love at first sight and the story of many. Question is, love at first sight, is it really love? Is it real enough to last a lifetime of joy and fulfillment in marriage?
There have been different assertions on this, a lot of people believe in it. Now what then is love for it to happen at first sight? Love can never have a universally accepted definition, it can at best have a description and the bible described it in 1 Corinthians 13 as many things, (which I’ll advice you to read even if you know it, Google it if you have no bible) some of which includes kindness, patience, not boastful or rude, has no records of previous wrongs, never fails. It was also said to be the greatest among faith and hope. I won’t dwell on these now but how do you have kindness, patience, and the rest for someone at first sight? At first sight, you know you love someone so much that your love will never fail?
 What happens at first sight is attraction. You meet a guy Friday last week and your heart tingles and he says wow, you are gorgeous! And in a week, you guys are dating and you say love at first sight, you are wrong.
He says he loves the way you look, she loves your height and composure, he says you have a kind heart and a nice voice, it’s attraction, not love. Love is more than your height, your look, your voice, it encompasses all that. It’s not just that, it’s that and more. Attraction could grow into love cause its part of the makeup of love, but it’s not love on it’s own. You may be turned on by someone, feel butterflies in your tummy, your heart may skip a beat or two, it’s not love.  It’s attraction.
Another thing that happens at first sight is infatuation. Infatuation happens so fast, you won’t know what hit you. You become blindly in love, you are so carried away. All you do is daydream about the person and wait for the next time you get to see; you don’t do any other thing. Love would do other things while waiting to meet because it’s necessary. Infatuation can also be called crush or puppy love and a bad basis to start a relationship because it’s not real love.
Another thing that explains love at first sight is lust or sexual attraction. This is often confused with love but different from it. Sometimes, when she compliments that you look well-built or he loves your shape, it’s lust and not love and if sexual gratification is gotten, the relationship comes to an abrupt end. A girl sees a handsome guy passing, her heart skips two beats, a guy sees a beautiful lady and his blood pressure goes up, that is not love. To be sexually attracted is not to be in love.
 Real love is never at first sight because it’s gradual. Real love involves knowing the person which definitely cannot happen at first sight. Real love unlike infatuation sees the person’s flaws and accepts it. Real love is committed and self-sacrificing.
The only difference between the love we feel for our parents or the orphans in the organization we work at or our friends is the romantic attraction, apart from which, it is pretty much the same. We develop trust and love for our parents over time as we grow to see them as our pillars in life. Our love for friends is also gradual as we progress in the friendship positively. Love doesn’t just manifest, it grows.
Real Love encompasses attraction, infatuation, even lust and more. But is never these things standing alone. Emeka was sexually attracted and interpreted it as love and once satisfied, the love got lost. Sally was attracted and soon fell into the cold hands of infatuation but saw it as love and it made her so foolish to give away what she treasured on the last day she would see him.

Usually when the wrong interpretation of love is given, when love at “first sight” becomes the basis of a relationship, it often leads to heartbreaks, great future disappointments, pregnancy and even waywardness. It’s always better to get to know a person first before getting involved. Lust, attraction, infatuation are never good foundations for long lasting relationships cause they are love at “first sight” which is not the real deal
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Love
        Kambi 

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