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AGE AND MARRIAGE














Good morning dear blog readers? Hope you all are chasing your dreams? This blog post is a topic that has many differential opinions from people. A girl getting married to a guy who is way older than her? A girl getting married to her age mate? Which is the ideal type? This is mostly always the bone of contention when such a topic as this crops up. 
 
A lot of people believe a lady should marry a guy at least five years older than her or at least ten or fifteen years older than her. Two years older or an age mate is not acceptable. One thing I’ve noticed about people who make this argument is that either they speak from experience or they speak based on where they are coming from, foundation. Same reason goes for people who argue differently. This goes to show that experience and foundation are not solid yardsticks because they teach differently.  It all depends. It always all depends.

 Now, I believe that when there is a problem, you can best solve it in one way. By discovering the root cause of the problem. Then, you can extinguish the problem by another one way. By looking at the foundation of the situation. Why? Because people are ruled by where they are coming from, their foundation. For e.g. a couple, ever loving and close then begins to fight when tides are turning, quarrelling every day, bickering, nagging and all the sorts. Now you sit them down and talk and discover it’s the finances that caused the unfriendliness, inadequate finances and you help them out to balance off, problem solved. You want to kill that problem? Because it will come again, look into their background, do they know how to handle money? Can they manage? What do they spend the money on? Where are they coming from? How did their family teach them finance? Did they ever learn how to save? If you can tackle these issues, next time when bickering comes up, it won’t be because of finance cause then, they would know how to handle challenges of money without fighting over it.
Looking at the root cause of the problem or in debunking this belief of older men are better, we’ll ask, why do people say that a lady getting married to a man older than her by five to ten years is better off than getting married to an age mate? I googled some reasons and I garnered the others from friends.

One, the mature mentality. They want men that understands and a younger man still has his mind on a whole lot of other things that do not include understanding or settling down. A man that is matured emotionally and all round.

Two, that ladies age faster. So it’ll be wise to marry a man much older than you so that you’ll age together and you wouldn’t be looking much older.

Three, still on that mature mentality but they want to phrase it this way. An older guy understands, he has gone through life, he has seen things and he understands better. He is full of experience.

Four, he is successful, he is established in his career.  

Five, he is more stable in life, no more experimenting with relationships and work or jobs. He is more responsible, less likely to stray or cheat.

Six, He is more sexually experienced. Yes, when I saw this my mouth also dropped but yes, that’s the reasons of some. Also the father figure and less-in-law drama.

Fortunately enough, all these reasons can be over-ruled. 
First is the mature mentality, a man can be mature early enough. It’s not all men that get matured late or want to settle down late. Some develop fast mentally, maybe because they had lots of responsibilities early in life or became spirit-filled early in life so the spirit taught them. But maturity emotionally and otherwise can be found also in young men. It’s not an exclusive preserve for old men.

Secondly, why do ladies age faster? If that is tackled, then the reason is also put aside. Ladies age faster because their body is stressed, they bear children unlike the men that don’t. They experience a lot of changes in their skin, add weight and the rest. Many influential people out there give birth and still look younger than the man so all it takes is for the lady to care for herself, give time after childbirth for recovery and maintain a good shape. If a lady can do that, then this reason is over-ruled.

Thirdly, he has gone through life and he understands better. There’s nothing as great as going through life together with your spouse. Not someone who may rebuff your suggestions and say you won’t understand, you have not seen anything. This creates the thin line between marrying a father and marrying a husband. Having such life experiences together will grow the love to be stronger.

Fourthly, he is successful and established in his career. This has it’s perks but also has it’s thorns. It’s also better when you work together with your spouse to build an empire. He values you and sees you as a treasure, one who has a lot of say in his life, one who contributed to his growth in life. But when, everything is already there, you now come into an already made life, he might love you and all but in his career, you will not be so valued, after all he got to where he is on his own. He barely talks about work or seeks your idea on it with and this can create an avenue for him to enter into illegal dealings without your knowledge. This just shows that there is a disadvantage in everything therefore not making it a strong point.

Fifthly, he is more stable in life, no more relationship experimenting, no more cheating. This is unfortunately untrue. It is even old men that keep mistresses, rape little girls and do all sorts of unstable things. Some might say that they are young so they’ll be his mistress and all but one day, you’ll age and then his being older won’t be a guarantee. Once a person is well brought up, a Christian and God-fearing, the likelihood of cheating is very slim because the Holy Spirit will keep convicting him if he tries to be unfaithful.

Six, more sexually experienced. This should not even be a reason if you are a Christian because the bible forbids the idea it suggests. Then the father figure issue; which is better extinguished than solved because the solution is actually getting married to an older man. As for in-law issues, they will always be there except where his family members are all dead or are all reasonable. 

In dealing with the foundation, that is, completely extinguishing the idea that getting married to older men is better; a lot of people take this idea based on personal experience or the experience of parents or those around them or in the light they have been trained. To clear off the mentality, you would have to re-write their life or change their opinions but since it’s not a problem, there’s no need of that. I’m not here to argue that it’s wrong, I’m just saying that it’s not the best type of marriage. So, marriage to older men doesn’t give any special advantage as the same claimed advantage can be achieved in marriages to younger men. Anyone a woman chooses is okay as long as God sanctions it. The ideal type is that sanctioned by God.

Marriage to older men is alright but nothing makes it best, it all depends on the situation and circumstance. If God gives you your age mate, work to preserve the marriage instead of seeing it as a bomb about to go off.


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Love
        Kambi

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