Good morning dear blog readers? Hope you all are chasing your dreams? This blog post is a topic that has many differential opinions from people. A girl getting married to a guy who is way older than her? A girl getting married to her age mate? Which is the ideal type? This is mostly always the bone of contention when such a topic as this crops up.
A lot of people believe a
lady should marry a guy at least five years older than her or at least ten or
fifteen years older than her. Two years older or an age mate is not acceptable.
One thing I’ve noticed about people who make this argument is that either they
speak from experience or they speak based on where they are coming from,
foundation. Same reason goes for people who argue differently. This goes to show
that experience and foundation are not solid yardsticks because they teach
differently. It all depends. It always
all depends.
Looking at the root cause
of the problem or in debunking this belief of older men are better, we’ll ask,
why do people say that a lady getting married to a man older than her by five
to ten years is better off than getting married to an age mate? I googled some
reasons and I garnered the others from friends.
One, the mature mentality. They
want men that understands and a younger man still has his mind on a whole lot
of other things that do not include understanding or settling down. A man that
is matured emotionally and all round.
Two, that ladies age
faster. So it’ll be wise to marry a man much older than you so that you’ll age
together and you wouldn’t be looking much older.
Three, still on that mature
mentality but they want to phrase it this way. An older guy understands, he has
gone through life, he has seen things and he understands better. He is full of
experience.
Four, he is successful, he
is established in his career.
Five, he is more stable in
life, no more experimenting with relationships and work or jobs. He is more
responsible, less likely to stray or cheat.
Six, He is more sexually
experienced. Yes, when I saw this my mouth also dropped but yes, that’s the
reasons of some. Also the father figure and less-in-law drama.
Fortunately enough, all
these reasons can be over-ruled.
First is the mature mentality, a man can be
mature early enough. It’s not all men that get matured late or want to settle
down late. Some develop fast mentally, maybe because they had lots of
responsibilities early in life or became spirit-filled early in life so the
spirit taught them. But maturity emotionally and otherwise can be found also in
young men. It’s not an exclusive preserve for old men.
Secondly, why do ladies age faster? If that is
tackled, then the reason is also put aside. Ladies age faster because their
body is stressed, they bear children unlike the men that don’t. They experience
a lot of changes in their skin, add weight and the rest. Many influential
people out there give birth and still look younger than the man so all it takes
is for the lady to care for herself, give time after childbirth for recovery
and maintain a good shape. If a lady can do that, then this reason is
over-ruled.
Thirdly, he has gone
through life and he understands better. There’s nothing as great as going
through life together with your spouse. Not someone who may rebuff your
suggestions and say you won’t understand, you have not seen anything. This creates
the thin line between marrying a father and marrying a husband. Having such life
experiences together will grow the love to be stronger.
Fourthly, he is successful
and established in his career. This has it’s perks but also has it’s thorns. It’s
also better when you work together with your spouse to build an empire. He values
you and sees you as a treasure, one who has a lot of say in his life, one who
contributed to his growth in life. But when, everything is already there, you
now come into an already made life, he might love you and all but in his
career, you will not be so valued, after all he got to where he is on his own. He
barely talks about work or seeks your idea on it with and this can create an
avenue for him to enter into illegal dealings without your knowledge. This just
shows that there is a disadvantage in everything therefore not making it a strong point.
Fifthly, he is more stable
in life, no more relationship experimenting, no more cheating. This is
unfortunately untrue. It is even old men that keep mistresses, rape little
girls and do all sorts of unstable things. Some might say that they are young
so they’ll be his mistress and all but one day, you’ll age and then his being
older won’t be a guarantee. Once a person is well brought up, a Christian and
God-fearing, the likelihood of cheating is very slim because the Holy Spirit
will keep convicting him if he tries to be unfaithful.
Six, more sexually
experienced. This should not even be a reason if you are a Christian because
the bible forbids the idea it suggests. Then the father figure issue; which is
better extinguished than solved because the solution is actually getting
married to an older man. As for in-law issues, they will always be there except
where his family members are all dead or are all reasonable.
In dealing with the
foundation, that is, completely extinguishing the idea that getting married to
older men is better; a lot of people take this idea based on personal
experience or the experience of parents or those around them or in the light
they have been trained. To clear off the mentality, you would have to re-write
their life or change their opinions but since it’s not a problem, there’s no
need of that. I’m not here to argue that it’s wrong, I’m just saying that it’s
not the best type of marriage. So, marriage to older men doesn’t give any
special advantage as the same claimed advantage can be achieved in marriages to
younger men. Anyone a woman chooses is okay as long as God sanctions it. The ideal
type is that sanctioned by God.
Marriage to older men is
alright but nothing makes it best, it all depends on the situation and circumstance.
If God gives you your age mate, work to preserve the marriage instead of
seeing it as a bomb about to go off.
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Love
Kambi
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