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Good morning dearies! Decided to give us a douse on the relationship side today, enjoy reading!
I’ve seen a lot of posts on this with very long tales and stories on why courtships today are not what they are supposed to be. In fact I got the post title from one of the articles I read. This starts first with a whole disarrangement of the order God has placed the universe. Our culture has all been sexualized in this generation. Everything is going wrong but it somehow still manages to seem to be right because our culture and lifestyles has been sexualized. It’s now okay for kids who are yet to know who they are to date and make out and we stand aside and say ‘aww’, it’s now a normal thing to sleep around with every guy you date before you marry or have sex with a random guy you met at a club, it’s now okay to disobey our parents and run off with our ‘
soulmate’, it’s now normal to move in
with someone we don’t know just because we are getting married. A lot of things
are now very normal in our generation and that includes all the wrong things
about courtship too.
In simple parlance and in an attempt to differentiate courtship from dating, courtship is simply the road to marriage. Courtship is flawed in our generation no doubt. This is because we lack the guidance and knowledge required for it. In simple terms, courtship is fundamentally flawed because many and I mean many, do not know what courtship entails and the purpose for it. Everyone has theories, everyone has a purpose for courtship, everyone has a way they think courtship would follow. How about God’s theory? Just as the world’s definition of love and every gift God gave to mankind has the world’s version, the world kind of courtship exists too. So I’m talking about the right kind, the God-kind.
Courtship is simply a time before the wedding/marriage where the man and woman agree about many issues and see if they share the same visions or hope about their marriage and future generally, a period when they agree to walk together. Proposal or agreement to marry takes place before courtship. We have so many biblical examples of courtship that happened in very different ways but there are three things always present
1. There is love between the partners, whether the meeting was arranged or not or they met themselves somehow, whatever is the situation, there is love. Between Laban and Rachael or Ruth and Boaz or Rebecca and Isaac, there was love and the relationships were sustained.
2. God is in approval: God is never overlooked when they made choices for marriage partners or before they proceeded to courting. There was God’s consent, sought and obtained, always.
3. There was also parental/guardian’s consent sought and obtained before courtship began. They don’t relegate them to the background because this people have been married and understand a lot of things we think we do but in real essence, we don’t.
It is a common saying that where the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable which is why basically everything God made is being abused; because we have no idea why He made them and we have wandered far away from Him so as not to know. So what is the purpose of courtship? Why court? Why is it necessary?
i. It is a period to get to know each other properly, in terms of weaknesses, strength, e.t.c. this is what a lot of people do by observation but when courtship begins, it is a time to begin to ask to clarify and not just observe.
ii. It is a period for proper planning towards the marriage. You’ve seen someone you intend to marry, yea, you may be in love and God is in tune along with your parents but if you guys get married, you have to live somewhere . . . together, your lifes have to come into alignment as much as possible. It is a time to settle everything into place for the aftermath.
iii. It is the time to seek parental consent. What this means in essence is that courtship should never begin without parents consenting to it except in exceptional circumstances where the parents have never acted in the best interest of the child then the consent of a mentor or a spiritual leader should be sought. This is very important and a huge mistake many youths make these days. We embark on the journey to marriage and only seek parental consent when we are two steps from the altar and many parents give in even when they don’t want to.
iv. It is a time to undertake marriage counselling lessons and lay proper foundation for the marriage; some might mention that this practice was not in the bible, yes but because of the different times. Then, God was the only recognized true God. It was an era of law not grace so if you acted otherwise, His wrath won’t take time to consume you, they were the people of God and lived according to his precepts. Now is a totally different ball game. Perverted versions of God’s truths are flying around us therefore there is need for proper guidance.
What then is not the purpose of courtship? The wrong misconceptions about courtship
i. It is not a time to live together: this is a major mistake many make before marriage and then some don’t end up getting married because they discovered something they can’t live with. From all the biblical examples we have already, none moved in together till the marriage took place. You can get to know if you want to be with someone for the rest of your life without moving in with the person, that’s why it’s great to involve God in your relationships, He’ll just make it easier to choose the right partner.
ii. It’s not a time to indulge in bodily, emotional and sexual pleasure: God created sex for marriage. A lot have gone the other road and came back regretting and yet people keep going that direction, it marvels me some times. That, you both have agreed to get married is not a basis to start necking or petting or indulging in sex, people still change their mind at the altar and at the same time, you are living in sin. Pregnancy could set in and make you marry someone you wouldn’t ordinarily marry. After Jacob was deceived, he had to wait till after he had paid Racheal’s bride price before he lay with her and that was another seven years.
iii. It is not a time to become his cook or washing machine/house cleaner: this mostly starts the process of moving in. many ladies become his maid just because he has proposed and most times it leads to beatings and quarrels where she doesn’t perform her ‘duty’. It is not in your place to be cooking for him till he lawfully and biblically owns you. It’s not like you can’t help him out sometimes but it should only be helping out and should not become routine.
iv. It is not a time to play pranks: if someone enters into courtship with you, that’s a sign of seriousness and willingness to marry. Don’t lead someone on just for the fun of it.
Even while courting, you’re still single so don’t start acting like married couples until you have actually exchanged vows, courtship is no guarantee, so get married first before the marriage routine starts.
It is God that established the institution of marriage and therefore it will be dangerous to attempt to build a home without Him. So it doesn’t really matter how your courtship proceeded, once you are rooted in Christ and going about it the right way, it’s all that matters.