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Good morning dearies! Decided to give us a douse on the relationship side today, enjoy reading!
Long post alert
Long post alert
I’ve read a lot of posts with very long tales and stories on why courtships today are not what they are
supposed to be. In fact I got the post title from one of the articles I read. There is a whole rearrangement of the order God has placed the
universe. Our culture has all been sexualized in this generation. Everything is
going on wrong but it somehow still manages to seem to be right because our
culture and lifestyle has been sexualized. For example, It’s now okay for kids who are yet
to know who they are to date and make out and we stand aside and say ‘aww’,
it’s now a normal thing to sleep around with every guy you date before you
marry or have sex with a random guy you met at a club, it’s now okay to disobey
our parents and run off with our ‘soulmate’, it’s now normal to move in
with someone we don’t know just because we are getting married. A lot of things
are now very normal in our generation and that includes all the wrong things
about courtship too.
In simple parlance and in an
attempt to differentiate courtship from dating, courtship is simply the road to
marriage. Courtship is flawed in our generation no doubt. This is because we
lack the guidance and knowledge required for it. In simple terms, courtship is
fundamentally flawed because many and I mean many, do not know what courtship
entails and the purpose for it. Everyone has theories, everyone has an idea of what they think courtship is about, everyone has a way they think courtship should follow. How about
God’s theory? Just as the world’s definition of love and every gift God gave to
mankind has the world’s version of it, so does the world kind of courtship exist. So I’m
talking about the right kind, the God-kind.
It is a common saying that where
the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable which is why basically
everything God made is being abused; because we have no idea why He made them
and we have wandered far away from Him so as not to know. So what is the
purpose of courtship? Why court? Why is it necessary?
i. It is a
period to get to know each other properly, in terms of weaknesses, strength,
e.t.c. this is what a lot of people do by observation but when courtship
begins, it is a time to begin to ask, to clarify and not just observe.
ii.
It is a period for proper planning towards the
marriage. You’ve seen someone you intend to marry, yea, you may be in love and
God is in tune along with your parents but if you guys get married, you have to
live somewhere . . . together, your jobs have to be convenient enough to keep you together, your lifes have to come into alignment as much
as possible. It is a time to settle everything into place for the aftermath.
iii.
It is the time to seek parental consent. What this
means in essence is that courtship should never begin without parents
consenting to it except in exceptional circumstances where the parents have
never acted in the best interest of the child then the consent of a mentor or a
spiritual leader should be sought. This is very important and a huge mistake
many youths make these days. We embark on the journey to marriage and only seek
parental consent when we are two steps from the altar and many parents give in
even when they don’t want to.
iv.
It is a time to undertake marriage counselling
lessons and lay proper foundation for the marriage; some might mention that
this practice was not in the bible, yes but because of the different times.
Then, God was the only recognized true God. It was an era of law not grace so
if you acted otherwise, His wrath won’t take time to consume you, they were the
people of God and lived according to His precepts. Now is a totally different
ball game. Perverted versions of God’s truths are flying around us therefore
there is need for proper guidance.
What then is not the purpose of
courtship? The wrong misconceptions about courtship
i. It is not a
time to live together: this is a major mistake many make before marriage. From all the biblical examples we have already, none lived together till the marriage took place. You can get to know if you want to be
with someone for the rest of your life without moving in with the person,
that’s why it’s great to involve God in your relationships, He’ll just make it
easier to choose the right partner.
ii.
It’s not a time to indulge in bodily, emotional and
sexual pleasure: God created sex for marriage. A lot have gone the other road
and have come back regretting and yet people keep going that direction, it marvels
me some times. That, you both have agreed to get married is not a basis to
start necking or petting or indulging in sex, people still change their mind at
the altar and at the same time, you are living in sin. Pregnancy could set in
and make you marry someone you wouldn’t ordinarily marry. After Jacob was
deceived, he had to wait till after he had paid Racheal’s bride price before he
lay with her and that was another seven years.
iii.
It is not a time to become his cook or washing
machine/house cleaner: this mostly starts the process of moving in. many ladies
become his maid just because he has proposed and most times it leads to
beatings and quarrels where she doesn’t perform her ‘duty’. It is not in your
place to be cooking for him till he lawfully and biblically owns you. It’s not
like you can’t help him out sometimes but it should only be helping out and
should not become routine.
iv.
It is not a time to play pranks: if someone enters
into courtship with you, that’s a sign of seriousness and willingness to marry.
Don’t lead someone on just for the fun of it.
Even while courting, you’re still
single so don’t start acting like married couples until you have actually
exchanged vows, courtship is no guarantee, so get married first before the
marriage routine starts.
It is God that established the
institution of marriage and therefore it will be dangerous to attempt to build
a home without Him. So it doesn’t really matter how your courtship proceeded,
once you are rooted in Christ and going about it the right way, it’s all that
matters.