ASSUMPTION; THE BANE OF LIFE

Good morning dear readers. Hope the week has been going well? This post is just to add one more colour to life. This is something I’ve watched and noticed over time around me and everywhere; with friends, family, teachers, strangers, you name it. It has seeped into our being. I’m talking about assumption. It’s become a bane of life. Humans have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. There are so many things that our mind cannot explain; we have all these questions that need answers. But instead of asking questions when we don’t know something, we make all sorts of assumptions. We start to imagine all kinds of ideas and stories. We start imagining what the other person is doing, what they’re thinking, what they’re saying about us, and we dream things up in our imagination. We end up with wrong and costly assumptions forgetting that nothing has one meaning and that change is a constant factor.

Some time back, I made a post on Facebook to once again confirm this theory. The update said “am in love!” I had about 50 comments on that post and not one person asked me in love with what or whom or cared to find out what the post was about. Some assumed it was them, others assumed it was someone, some assumed it was a guy somewhere, and some even assumed it was a laptop. Others already with a concluded heart on what it was I was in love with, wished me well. That statement could mean a lot of things, a whole wide range of things but everyone that commented just assumed without caring to find out what. I’m someone that always talk ironically, courtesy of the friend behind the blog, so the update could mean that I hated something. Funny enough, most of the commenters don’t know me personally, so on what thesis they made their conclusions; I still don’t know.

This assumption has wreaked havoc mostly in relationships. We assume he/she did that for a reason when it actually isn’t. I had a friend who always made assumed reasons for my actions. For that friend, the reason for that act could never pass those assumed reasons. Funny enough, most times, my friend was wrong but wouldn’t agree. Yes, sometimes, we know someone so well, but other times, especially in important issues, assumption is a wrong road to take.

Most times, the assumption is not what destroys, it is acting on it that does, taking proactive steps on what you are not even 100 percent sure about. The problem with making assumptions is that we accept it as the truth, we cook up a whole story to explain something and believe it then we make more assumptions and then act based on it. We send out poison with our words, create a lot of drama and issue and end up destroying a relationship. These constant spate of assumption leads to fights, quarrels, disagreement and end of many relationships. The other party is always shocked beyond belief.

We forget that people are different, they don’t think like we do, or feel the way we do or react the way we react. We make an assumption and we are so sure about it and then we act on it. Humans may have related attributes but it’s wrong to make assumptions in crucial matters. Personally speaking, people assume a lot about me because they think they know my kind of person (not knowing I’m a different breed) and they most times turn out to be soo wrong that its painful and with how made up their minds are, you can’t even get one word out of your mouth that will be believed. Most times, I just let them assume and apologize just so it will pass away quickly because I hate having issues with people but then, the wound, takes time to heal depending on how large it was.

Funny enough, there is a very simple solution to assumption: COMMUNICATION. Many relate communication to marital or romance involved relationships but I relate it to all types of relationships. If you don’t tell your hairdresser what she is doing is not your choice, how would she know? Communication is important in all relationships. It kills the pain, torture and embarrassment that is the aftermath of assumption. Why not ask instead of making very wrong conclusions.

Stop making assumptions with everyone in your life. Focus on the truth. See life as it is not the way you want to see it. You might be pretty damn convinced (most times, based on conjured up thoughts) but ask first. Assumptions, especially wrong ones can be pretty damn hurtful. You can never know a person too well because change is constant even if it’s a minute change. 


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Love
   Kambi