Skip to main content

WHAT LOVE IS NOT




Last week, while I was reading a post about not watching the movie fifty shades of grey on deserveyourgreatlife.com blog by Adaeze Obiako, she said something worthy of note. She said that every gift from God to mankind has a perverted version. This also applies to love. Love has many perverted versions of it. Versions that make people scared of love, versions that make people scared to show love, versions that make people scared to open their heart to love, versions that make people not to be receptive to love, versions that make people go through life with the wrong notion of love. Well, I want to talk on what love is not, as a sequel to my last week’s post on +what love is.


A lot of people distinguish perverted versions of love by saying that those kinds of love exists too but it’s not the real one. I don’t like using the term real love and fake love because it’s like saying good Christian or bad Christian. There’s nothing as that at all. It’s either you are a Christian that is Christ like or not, if you are the bad one, then you are not a Christian at all. So also is love. There are a host of things that love is not and I’ll explain below.
Love is not attraction. Many people mistake attraction for love and then you’ll begin to hear stories like, I love her because of her gorgeous eyes, I love her because she has a great shape, I love him because he is handsome, he has a great build and I can lie in his arms all day. That should be changed to I’m ‘’attracted’’ to him because not I ‘’love’’ him because. When you ‘love’ someone because of a physical quality, its attraction and if you don’t find more in such person other than that chubby cheeks, any relationship created will fail because one day, chubby cheeks will become wobbly.
Love is not lust. Many also mistake lust for love. Lust is sexual attraction. It is not love. It is however part of the make-up of romantic love we feel for partners but it is not love on it’s own stand.
Love is not infatuation. Infatuation is usually what people see as blind love. Here, you see the person as perfect; no wrongdoing can ever be associated with the person. Even when others complain, you just can’t see what they are seeing. There’s a difference that you can see that  someone is not perfect and accept it and that you don’t see any wrong in the person at all. Infatuation is so blind that you can’t see anything wrong in that person. But funny thing about infatuation is that when the scales come off, it’s like the person was never good right from inception and you can’t even find a place to place your leg and tolerate the person’s shortcomings. That is infatuation for you. Love will tolerate such and learn to forgive whatever wrong it is.
Love is not wicked. This is a popular phrase but very untruthful. Love is far from wicked. Love is not wicked. If it is, then it’s not love, it’s probably the person after all the bible made it clear when it said that the heart of man is desperately wicked. So, it is the heart of the person that is wicked not love, maybe such person pretended to love. The bible described love as so many wonderful things in IST Corinthians 13 which does not include wickedness the last time I checked. So, love is not wicked, it is the heart of man that is. Rather, love is a beautiful thing, so very beautiful.
Love is not blind. This goes hand in hand with infatuation. A lot of people are infatuated most probably because they entered into the relationship on wrong basis or wrong notions and they get so lost that others around them say love is blind. When love is blind, it is not love but infatuation or something else that isn’t love. Love sees both the bad and good aspect of a person but chooses to tolerate or sometimes ignore the bad aspect. When you see someone ignoring the bad aspect of someone and you’ve tried all possible best to alert them to it and they keep ignoring you, it’s either the person have seen it but choose to ignore it hoping for a promised change or the person has accepted it as the other’s bad side and willing to forever tolerate it or it is infatuation and not love. In IST Corinthians 13, the bible said that love is slow to anger. If love is blind, how would it see what would anger it for it to be slow to anger? It has to be angered first for it to be slow to anger and for it to be angered, it has to see. So, if we are saying love is blind, the bible is incorrect to say that love is slow to anger because we can’t even be annoyed in the first place since we are blinded in love not to see the wrong aspects. Love sees and corrects, tolerates, accepts, is patient with the person trying to make a change, love is not blind, infatuation is.
Love is not obsession. When some people claim to be in love, they become obsessed with the person. They do nothing again except sit around the house and daydream of the person till the next time they meet. The person wants to just run away with the other to an island and live forevermore. They pause their life or rather stop it in totality. They want to know the cloth he is wearing every moment, when he is brushing, when he is bathing, everybody he has ever had contact with, they want to be with the person all the time. If they went to fellowship before or were dedicated in church, they now miss church services just to be with the person. Funny thing is that love actually may feel this way but doesn’t act that way. Love will not sit around the house and daydream but do chores required of her and other things. Love will still go to work, church services, will still wake up in the morning and first point of call will be God before anyone. Love will not run away to an island to be forever more but work hard in life to be able to go on vacation in such islands and return back to the real world. The bible said love does not envy, obsession does. If you are seen with another girl, it will be war. Obsession can’t allow the person have a life different from theirs. Obsession is jealous, love is not. Obsession will go to any length for someone even if it is sin.
Love is not money. Bible even said that the love of money is the root of all evil. This has become a widely accepted phrase today. Sometime ago, I overhead some guys talking and that’s when I knew that some men actually believe that money is all a lady needs. Shower her with money and she becomes theirs and then they are never emotionally available. They stay outside the home and never get involved in their children’s lives because in their minds, that is not needed. They keep saying that they are working too hard and always being away to be able to provide for the home. This is one of the reasons for many failed marriages. The woman feels neglected emotionally and the man feels his wife is ungrateful because he has provided for her all she ever wanted and she still complains. You won’t blame these men that think so too because all those they came across confirmed their theory and when they now marry one, she begins to complain even with all the money there. Money is not love and unfortunately, many realise it after marriage when money starts becoming inadequate for the lack of romance, togetherness and laughter in such homes. The father is a stranger to his children and his wife. When all a person needs or want you for is the money you can give them, then such person does not love you.
Love is not sex. I’ve always encountered this on social media. Sex is love and love is sex. Again, there is no description of love as sex in the bible. Sex is a gift God made for marriage and for the purpose of procreation. It is part of the makeup of romantic love. It is not love on it’s own. If a guy keeps telling you that you are hot, you are sexy, you are inviting, you are irresistible, all the while making hidden advances, my dear run. Even if he doesn’t know it or mean it, all his body wants from you is sex. If he doesn’t know it, his body subconsciously does. If he says he loves you, he doesn’t. He just wants to lay you. So don’t be smiling sheepishly and saying you love him too with all your heart, just excuse yourself from that relationship because sooner or later, it’ll happen and if you don’t let him, he’ll either leave or find it elsewhere while still trying to cajole you or enjoy whatever he keeps getting from you. If he says you should lay with him to prove your love for him, show him ist Corinthians 13 in his bible (cause I’m pretty sure he has a bible) and walk away. You will not die! You will cry some few tears and learn from your error to anchor on God for leading to the right relationships. Sex can only make him feel close to you, feel a connection for a while. It won’t make him love you, it won’t make him never be angry at you, it won’t make him not to break up eventually. In fact, it’ll lead to these things coming faster than wanted cause he’ll think you are an easy target and will be itchy to move to the next easy target even when they know within their hearts that you only surrendered out of ‘love’.
Love is not romance, that’s just a part of love. The love between a man and woman attracted to each other. Love is bigger than romance. It is a fruit of the spirit that many don’t have! You have a boyfriend whom you love so much or a spouse but that’s where your own love stops, you can't give your much to those with little, my dear, you do not have love in your heart. If love to you is only the romance version, then you have along way to go. You give your all to a guy and nothing or little to God, you are yet to understand the concept of love.
These are all perverted versions of love. Let’s be wise. Anything love is not that I didn’t mention? Use the comment box below to express your thoughts, don’t forget to subscribe to get posts straight to your e-mail and please don’t read alone, do share.

Love
           Kambi   

Popular posts from this blog

SMILE ONE MORE TIME

The face above best describes how I was smiling after I woke up this morning. I even

THREE TIPS FOR DEALING WITH 'STRANGERS'

Before a person became a friend, he/she was a 'stranger', then maybe an acquaintance before attaining friendship. In life, many circumstances or situations tend to take us away from family and friends that we are so used to and safe around such as NYSC, industrial training, internship, law school, medical school, competitions or even relocation.

THANKFUL FOR HIS HELP

Eshe ibitetibere
Eshe ibitebade
Adukpe o Jesu
Ibite muwa lo

My heart is filled with gratitude. At the end of last year, I wasn’t in a good place. There was this heart-gnawing fear. A new phase was coming in my life and the uncertainty of the future just ate me away. My relationship with God was on a zig-zag lane and the downward lane seemed to last for longer periods than the upward. I was honestly so scared about the future. A lot of what ifs.