Last week, while I was reading a post about not watching the movie fifty shades of grey on deserveyourgreatlife.com blog by Adaeze Obiako, she said something worthy of note. She said that every gift from God to mankind has a perverted version. This also applies to love. Love has many perverted versions of it. Versions that make people scared of love, versions that make people scared to show love, versions that make people scared to open their heart to love, versions that make people not to be receptive to love, versions that make people go through life with the wrong notion of love. Well, I want to talk on what love is not, as a sequel to my last week’s post on +what love is.
A lot of people distinguish perverted versions of love by
saying that those kinds of love exists too but it’s not the real one. I don’t like using the
term real love and fake love because it’s like saying good Christian or bad
Christian. There’s nothing as that at all. It’s either you are a Christian that
is Christ like or not, if you are the bad one, then you are not a Christian at
all. So also is love. There are a host of things that love is not and I’ll
explain below.
Love is not attraction. Many people mistake attraction for
love and then you’ll begin to hear stories like, I love her because of her
gorgeous eyes, I love her because she has a great shape, I love him because he
is handsome, he has a great build and I can lie in his arms all day. That
should be changed to I’m ‘’attracted’’ to him because not I ‘’love’’ him
because. When you ‘love’ someone because of a physical quality, its attraction
and if you don’t find more in such person other than that chubby cheeks, any
relationship created will fail because one day, chubby cheeks will become
wobbly.
Love is not lust. Many also mistake lust for love. Lust is
sexual attraction. It is not love. It is however part of the make-up of
romantic love we feel for partners but it is not love on it’s own stand.
Love is not infatuation. Infatuation is usually what people
see as blind love. Here, you see the person as perfect; no wrongdoing can ever
be associated with the person. Even when others complain, you just can’t see
what they are seeing. There’s a difference that you can see that someone is not perfect and accept it and that
you don’t see any wrong in the person at all. Infatuation is so blind that you
can’t see anything wrong in that person. But funny thing about infatuation is
that when the scales come off, it’s like the person was never good right from
inception and you can’t even find a place to place your leg and tolerate the person’s
shortcomings. That is infatuation for you. Love will tolerate such and learn to
forgive whatever wrong it is.
Love is not wicked. This is a popular phrase but very
untruthful. Love is far from wicked. Love is not wicked. If it is, then it’s
not love, it’s probably the person after all the bible made it clear when it
said that the heart of man is desperately wicked. So, it is the heart of the
person that is wicked not love, maybe such person pretended to love. The bible
described love as so many wonderful things in IST Corinthians 13 which does not
include wickedness the last time I checked. So, love is not wicked, it is the
heart of man that is. Rather, love is a beautiful thing, so very beautiful.
Love is not blind. This goes hand in hand with infatuation.
A lot of people are infatuated most probably because they entered into the
relationship on wrong basis or wrong notions and they get so lost that others
around them say love is blind. When love is blind, it is not love but
infatuation or something else that isn’t love. Love sees both the bad and good
aspect of a person but chooses to tolerate or sometimes ignore the bad aspect.
When you see someone ignoring the bad aspect of someone and you’ve tried all
possible best to alert them to it and they keep ignoring you, it’s either the
person have seen it but choose to ignore it hoping for a promised change or the
person has accepted it as the other’s bad side and willing to forever tolerate
it or it is infatuation and not love. In IST Corinthians 13, the bible said
that love is slow to anger. If love is blind, how would it see what would anger
it for it to be slow to anger? It has to be angered first for it to be slow to
anger and for it to be angered, it has to see. So, if we are saying love is
blind, the bible is incorrect to say that love is slow to anger because we
can’t even be annoyed in the first place since we are blinded in love not to
see the wrong aspects. Love sees and corrects, tolerates, accepts, is patient
with the person trying to make a change, love is not blind, infatuation is.
Love is not obsession. When some people claim to be in love,
they become obsessed with the person. They do nothing again except sit around
the house and daydream of the person till the next time they meet. The person
wants to just run away with the other to an island and live forevermore. They
pause their life or rather stop it in totality. They want to know the cloth he
is wearing every moment, when he is brushing, when he is bathing, everybody he
has ever had contact with, they want to be with the person all the time. If
they went to fellowship before or were dedicated in church, they now miss
church services just to be with the person. Funny thing is that love actually
may feel this way but doesn’t act that way. Love will not sit around the house
and daydream but do chores required of her and other things. Love will still go
to work, church services, will still wake up in the morning and first point of
call will be God before anyone. Love will not run away to an island to be
forever more but work hard in life to be able to go on vacation in such islands
and return back to the real world. The bible said love does not envy, obsession
does. If you are seen with another girl, it will be war. Obsession can’t allow
the person have a life different from theirs. Obsession is jealous, love is
not. Obsession will go to any length for someone even if it is sin.
Love is not money. Bible even said that the love of money is
the root of all evil. This has become a widely accepted phrase today. Sometime
ago, I overhead some guys talking and that’s when I knew that some men actually
believe that money is all a lady needs. Shower her with money and she becomes
theirs and then they are never emotionally available. They stay outside the home
and never get involved in their children’s lives because in their minds, that
is not needed. They keep saying that they are working too hard and always being
away to be able to provide for the home. This is one of the reasons for many
failed marriages. The woman feels neglected emotionally and the man feels his
wife is ungrateful because he has provided for her all she ever wanted and she
still complains. You won’t blame these men that think so too because all those
they came across confirmed their theory and when they now marry one, she begins
to complain even with all the money there. Money is not love and unfortunately,
many realise it after marriage when money starts becoming inadequate for the
lack of romance, togetherness and laughter in such homes. The father is a
stranger to his children and his wife. When all a person needs or want you for
is the money you can give them, then such person does not love you.
Love is not sex. I’ve always encountered this on social
media. Sex is love and love is sex. Again, there is no description of love as
sex in the bible. Sex is a gift God made for marriage and for the purpose of
procreation. It is part of the makeup of romantic love. It is not love on it’s
own. If a guy keeps telling you that you are hot, you are sexy, you are
inviting, you are irresistible, all the while making hidden advances, my dear
run. Even if he doesn’t know it or mean it, all his body wants from you is sex.
If he doesn’t know it, his body subconsciously does. If he says he loves you,
he doesn’t. He just wants to lay you. So don’t be smiling sheepishly and saying
you love him too with all your heart, just excuse yourself from that
relationship because sooner or later, it’ll happen and if you don’t let him,
he’ll either leave or find it elsewhere while still trying to cajole you or enjoy
whatever he keeps getting from you. If he says you should lay with him to prove
your love for him, show him ist Corinthians 13 in his bible (cause I’m pretty
sure he has a bible) and walk away. You will not die! You will cry some few
tears and learn from your error to anchor on God for leading to the right
relationships. Sex can only make him feel close to you, feel a connection for a
while. It won’t make him love you, it won’t make him never be angry at you, it
won’t make him not to break up eventually. In fact, it’ll lead to these things
coming faster than wanted cause he’ll think you are an easy target and will be
itchy to move to the next easy target even when they know within their hearts
that you only surrendered out of ‘love’.
These are all perverted versions of love. Let’s be wise.
Anything love is not that I didn’t mention? Use the comment box below to
express your thoughts, don’t forget to subscribe to get posts straight to your
e-mail and please don’t read alone, do share.
Love
Kambi
Well said, written and also researched.
ReplyDeleteI just want to add that reason why majority relationships are failling esp un-married ones is cos "everyone wants to taste or experince a life they are not initiated to" people want to live in the future..not patient enough to experience and rock singlehood, rather cage thenselves with relationships that leads to destruction, waste of investment, emotional time bomb e.t.c. Guess everyone should just be patient and love rightly esp as they add value to themselves.
Well said newton. people want to live in the future. Patience is a virtue we all should really possess so we can love rightly like you said. thanks for stopping by, hope to see you more often!
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