Hello dearies, been away too long, right? Yea, I know, been beating myself up about it, have not really followed through with my resolutions for the blog this year but I’m hoping to do better, so to today’s post.
I’m a fan of E! Entertainment network and website and tv shows and reality shows so I know a lot about their lifestyle. Now this post is not an insult or insubordination to the Americans but an observation and advice that will hopefully reduce the divorce rate. Yesterday I was watching E! News when I returned home(home sweet home J) and it was mentioned that the last couple of the bachelorette show ( a show where a bunch of guys leave their life and come together to compete for a girl and the last one standing, the one she chooses becomes her husband, weird right? I know!) Had separated or divorced and I felt sad in my spirit. I’ve always hated the news of divorce. If you’ve watched fireproof, a movie written by the Kendrick brothers, then you’ve seen what causes most of their fights and it’s sad, very sad.
Now to 4 reasons why their marriages or relationships fail or end in divorce.
§ They believe that love alone is enough for every marriage or relationship: funny enough this has been proved not to be true and yet no one is learning the lesson. It’s just a messed up cycle that keeps on rotating. Granted, love is a very important ingredient to every relationship but it’s not the only ingredient. One ingredient cannot make a meal. There’s understanding, communication, God, tolerance and so on. They always think that once they love the other party and they feel like their heart is going to burst, then they have found the one and nothing can ever bring them apart and they quickly jump into a marriage that’ll crash sooner than expected. In the fireproof movie, God, understanding and proper communication were the three essential things missing in their relationship and when they found this, each on their own pace, the lost love was restored. Love can die when it’s alone.
§ They don’t believe that problems can ever arise: They believe that since there is love, nothing can ever come between. Somehow they forget that problems will arise. Once, the boat witnesses the first storm, they are already running out, thinking they made a mistake. It amazes me sometimes but mostly it’s annoying. Just one fight, one quarrel, one misunderstanding and they are already looking for a way out. There’s no way problems won’t arise, that’s why vows read: in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer.
§ They live in a fairy tale world: whenever I watch the bachelor or bachelorette, I can’t wrap my head around it. How can you get your heart so committed to everyone and then have to choose one? It’s like a competition for the love of someone. Love rarely if ever, work that way. They don’t understand the workings of love. They don’t know that happily forever after includes trying times. They live their lifes after the movies they watch. They believe in the fictions they produce, where the lady sleeps around with all kinds of men and ends up marrying the one that impregnates her and they live happily ever after. Then after watching such films, they tailor their life in such direction and later make regret statements like, I thought he loved me, I thought I was making the right choice. It’s unfortunate.
§ Divorce is almost always their first solution: when they have a heated quarrel, the first heated quarrel, next thing, they are planning for a divorce. To show you the height it’s gotten, many of them have a prenup (an agreement on how to share their belongings in event of divorce) before marriage. There’s this popular celebrity over there that I loved, she got married and the first time the husband lied about where he went to, divorce was the first thing that followed. It’s so bad now even that many couples who want to preserve their marriage have to take a resolution not to say the ‘D’ word. Nobody is willing to work at anything anymore, one tinny tiny fight, divorce is already spewing from their mouth, it’s saddening.
Love is not just a feeling but a choice, a decision. Stop ‘feeling’ alone, start deciding to commit to that feeling, to those vows made. Look up the meaning of vows, the history, and the punishment that goes with dishonoring a vow, especially one made before a supreme being. Love alone is not sufficient to keep a relationship 50 years and running, the decision to commit to the relationship does, God does because He is the creator and He helps us make sense of really trying and painful times in a relationship. Love alone is not the factor.
It’s also wrong to think problems won’t arise, wrong, wrong, wrong thinking! There’s no way two different people from two different backgrounds, different parents, history and heritage will come together to live forever, 50/60 years, have kids, go through hormonal changes, difficulties, criticisms, rough finances and because they love each other, there won’t be problems. It’s pure fallacy. It’s absolutely normal to have problems, issues in a marriage. Everyone will definitely go through that dreaded stage, even the rich also cry, so don’t panic that maybe, you married the wrong person or think of divorce first, try to work it out because it’s absolutely normal when two such humans have problems or arguments.
Wake up from fairy tale world. Why movies are called fictions is because they are imaginations conjured up by fellow human beings. Fictions are not real so stop applying what you watch in movies to real life situations. It doesn’t work and won’t start working with you. Grow up, recover your senses, happy endings occur but they passed through rough edges.
Together till death do us part, that is to say, death only, is permitted to be the separating factor. He is now gambling, he is now drinking, he has lost his job, I should find my way. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Divorce should never be an option, find ways to work it out, it’s workable, there was once love, followed by vows, those should be honoured.
Involve God. He created you and I, He created love, He created relationships, He created marriage. Why then try to arrange a baby rack without the creator’s manual? I pray God bless us all with more fulfilling marriages, Amen.
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