Hello dearies, been away too long, right? Yes, I know, been
beating myself up about it, have not really followed through with my
resolutions for the blog this year but I’m hoping to do better, so to today’s
post.
I’m a fan of E! Entertainment network, website, tv shows
and reality shows so I know a lot about their lifestyle. It should be noted that not everything we see in the media is true but it has given me insight a little about thier way of life. Now this post is not
an insult or insubordination to Americans but an observation and advice
that will hopefully reduce the divorce rate. Yesterday I was watching E! News
when I returned home(home sweet home😊) and it
was mentioned that the last couple of the bachelorette show ( a show where a
bunch of guys leave their life and come together to compete for a girl and the
last one standing, the one she chooses becomes her husband, weird right? I
know!) Had separated or divorced and I felt sad in my spirit. I’ve always hated
the news of divorce.
Now to 4 reasons why their marriages or relationships fail or
end in divorce.
§ They
believe that love alone is enough for every marriage or relationship: funny
enough this has been proved not to be true and yet no one is learning the
lesson. It’s just a messed up cycle that keeps on rotating. Granted, love is a
very important ingredient to every relationship but it’s not the only
ingredient. One ingredient cannot make a meal. There’s understanding,
communication, God, tolerance and so on. They always think that once they love
the other party and they feel like their heart is going to explode, then they
have found the one and nothing can ever bring them apart and consequently, they quickly jump
into a marriage that’ll crash sooner than expected. And everyone will be asking; but i thought they were in love? In the fireproof movie,
God, understanding and proper communication were the three essential things
missing in their relationship and when they found this, each on their own pace,
the lost love was restored. Love can die when it’s alone.
§ They
don’t believe that problems can ever arise: They believe that since there is
love, nothing can ever come between. Somehow they forget that problems will
arise. Once, the boat witnesses the first storm, they are already running out,
thinking they made a mistake. It amazes me sometimes but mostly it’s annoying. Just
one fight, one quarrel, one misunderstanding and they are already looking for a
way out. There’s no way problems won’t arise, that’s why vows read: in sickness
and in health, for richer and poorer. But when it does, they look for an escape route as though they never expected it.
§ They live
in a fairy tale world: whenever I watch the bachelor or bachelorette, I can’t
wrap my head around it. How can you get your heart so committed to everyone and
then have to choose one? It’s like a competition for the love of someone. Love
rarely if ever, work that way. They don’t understand the workings of love. They
don’t know that happily forever after includes trying times. They live their lifes
after the movies they watch. They believe in the fictions they produce, where
the lady sleeps around with all kinds of men and ends up marrying the one that impregnates
her and they live happily ever after. Then after watching such films, they
tailor their life in such direction and later make regret statements like, I
thought he loved me, I thought I was making the right choice. It’s unfortunate.
§ Divorce
is almost always their first solution: when they have a heated quarrel, the
first heated quarrel, next thing, they are planning for a divorce. To show you the
height it’s gotten, many of them have a prenup (an agreement on how to share
their belongings in the event of a divorce) before marriage. There’s this popular
celebrity over there that I loved, she got married and the first time the
husband lied about where he went to, divorce was the first thing that followed.
It’s so bad now even that many couples who want to preserve their marriage have
to take a resolution not to say the ‘D’ word. Nobody is willing to work at
anything anymore, one tinny tiny fight, divorce is already spewing from their
mouth, it’s saddening.
My
Advice:
Love is not just a feeling but a
choice, a decision. Stop ‘feeling’ alone, start deciding to commit to that
feeling, to those vows made. Look up the meaning of vows, the history, and the
punishment that goes with dishonoring a vow, especially one made before a
supreme being. Love alone is not sufficient to keep a relationship 50 years and
running, the decision to commit to the relationship does, God does because He
is the creator and He helps us make sense of really trying and painful times in
a relationship. Love alone is not the factor.
It’s also wrong to think problems
won’t arise, wrong, wrong, wrong thinking! There’s no way two different people
from two different backgrounds, different parents, history and heritage will
come together to live forever, 50/60 years, have kids, go through hormonal
changes, difficulties, criticisms, rough finances and because they love each
other, there won’t be problems. It’s pure fallacy. It’s absolutely normal to
have problems, issues in a marriage. Everyone will definitely go through that
dreaded stage, even the rich also cry, so don’t panic that maybe, you married
the wrong person or think of divorce first, try to work it out because it’s
absolutely normal when two such humans have problems or arguments.
Wake up from fairy tale world.
Why movies are called fictions is because they are imaginations conjured up by
fellow human beings. Fictions are not real so stop applying what you watch in
movies to real life situations. It doesn’t work and won’t start working with
you. Grow up, recover your senses, happy endings occur but they passed through
rough edges.
Together till death do us part,
that is to say, death only, is permitted to be the separating factor. He is now
gambling, he is now drinking, he has lost his job, I should find my way. Wrong,
wrong, wrong. Divorce should never be an option, find ways to work it out, it’s
workable, there was once love, followed by vows, those should be honoured.
Involve God. He created you and
I, He created love, He created relationships, He created marriage. Why then try
to arrange a baby rack without the creator’s manual? I pray God bless us all
with more fulfilling marriages, Amen.
P.s i made this observations from the life of foreigners but most of them apply worldwide
P.s i made this observations from the life of foreigners but most of them apply worldwide
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Love
Kambi
You forgot deceit. my ex signed adoption papers 6 weeks after proposing to another woman that he left me for 2 weeks later. He told me he never loved me and that he only married me because he thought marrying a nice Mormon girl would make his dad give him the presidency of the family business - wrong. His dad did not make him the president because he spent way too much money on boy toys (when he left me he had 4 airplanes parked at the airport and one in construction in the basement, a boat, a camper, an airstream, 4 motorcycles, 2 jeeps, 2 canoes and it goes on and on.) I got the kids & the equity in the house with support for only one of 2 children, no medical or child care and no alimony after 11 years of marriage. Utah divorce law sucks.
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry dear. i pray you get through the situation and come out a strong woman but you can let God help you to make it easier.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more
ReplyDelete